Saturday, April 01, 2006

10 things to remember if you aspired to be a Pizza delivery boy / girl

Believe me it is remunerating, I am seriously considering a switch in careers.

  1. Practice reading maps: That would help you get acclimatized with the city/town where you plan to work as a pizza delivery boy
  2. Learn to ride a bike or rather learn how not to ride a bike: That would help you horrify traffic, a few by standers and a couple of Jaywalkers to get your way through the maddening streets. Most of all have a valid license along. If you don’t have one, ask for your friends, take it to a colour photocopy place and get a fake done. This is most important, you never know when you would be stopped by an unfriendly policeman.
  3. Speak out don’t shy away: This would make you ask for directions from unknown people when you loose your way to a delivery, stand a better chance of asking a beautiful lady customer out for a date (in case you want a shift in jobs, though you could end up in a police station)
  4. Collect coins (only the relevant currency): This would stand you a better chance of getting bigger tips from your customers. For example if you need to pay a customer 50 bucks, pay him / her out in small change. This would force them return some as tips just because of the laziness of people to carry small change in their pockets / wallets
  5. Bathe properly, keep yourself decently groomed: This would make sure your stink doesn’t take away the sweet smell of the pizza away while you deliver.
  6. Always remember to get two good reasons as to why you were late: More often than not you end up pissing the customers off because your chef didn’t cook your pizza’s in time or the odd traffic cop stopped you for over speeding. In case of these kinds of eventualities you must have at least two proper reasons to cool your customers tempers.
  7. Learn reading / understanding faces: This would help you say the right things post you having delivered the pizza. You might ring the bell for a delivery when a husband and wife or two live-in mates are right in the middle of a good middle of the week fight, just say thank you sir or madam once you deliver and rush back. Don’t take the pain of wishing them a nice meal or a nice day / night and piss them off.
  8. Learn the art of deceiving walks: Whenever you near a door for a delivery try walking fast, pant if you could. This would create an impression that you take extra pains delivering, this would also ensure that your cold pizza is kept hot – at least in your customers minds till you leave.
  9. Practice not to spit as you speak: While may like when it rains, people don’t appreciate when it rains from some ones mouth. And if you spit as you speak as a pizza delivery boy you stand the risk of wetting up your customers face as well as his favorite pizza. You might also be fortunate enough to have a blow or two landed on your face for doing so, so don’t spit when you speak. If you can’t resist, keep your customer and the pizza you carry at a safe distance.
  10. Forget Hammurabi and his “Tit for Tat” principle: You might occasionally have some customers who would hurl some abuses, forget and forgive them. For, he or she is your company owners relative. You might painfully lose your job, if they are not related then they would make sure you and your company are well taken care of by an attorney, police or at least by his / her residential security. You might well end-up having a black eye trying to retaliate verbally.

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