Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My conversations with the GAWD

A friend from india had called up yesterday. Amont other things the conversation was also about another friend of us, who within 5 years in advertising became an Account Director recently. The moment I heard this, I started thinking how I didn't when everyone else is. This friend of mine closed the conversation at a more depressing note, "What are you now?, Oh! I remember you are an Account Manager".

This nice long distance conversation made me feel like a loser, incompetent enough not to become an Account Director after all those long years of slogging, working overnight and then growing up to what I am today. It has been quite a journey, interesting, but some times a little disappointing too. I had never regretted any of my decisions till I spoke to this friend yesterday.

I tried consoling me telling myself that in India everyone has a fancy designation. And due to the supply not meeting up demand in the industry, they are forced to fast track people. And hence you have these fast food varients of Account Director in 4 years, Account Supervisor in 3 years etc. But even then I couldn’t calm myself.

I was angry about what I had done all these days. Very angry, I locked myself up in the room and loudly yelled "Gawd, what have you done to me… What do others have, which I lack? Gawd, answer me".

To my surprise the good Gawd appeared "Son, you can't call me for such trivial things... Ok, now that I have come, can you quickly tell me what your problem is? And I don’t have time for 30 slides, Keep it brief…".

I said "Gawd, everyone who joined advertising with me is a CSD (Client Services Director), everyone who joined after me is an AD. And me… Even after all those 9+ years of slogging my butt out, see what happened".

Gawd in his very compassionate tone replied "But son, your butt has always been like that since you were born, bony… Ok, tell me what I could do for it?".

Getting a bit impatent with Gawd's wry sense of humour, I said "Forget about the butt, talk about my career. Why am I what I am? And now, don’t say it is my karma. That is a stale argument".

Gawd by now had slipped in to one of the bean bags in the room, speaking like the ultimate he is, "Son, why do you always google me only when you are in trouble? Othertimes I see you googling for what the old Karunanidhi said about me or about the bridge I got done… when you are not doing this, you check cricket scores. And have the guts to ask me to help your team win, even when they don’t try or want to…".

Not waiting to stop for an answer back, he continued "Ok, I would ask you a general knowledge question. Do you know Janis Joplin? I am sure you do". I nodded my head in affirmative with a faint "Mm… yes".

Gawd continued "What is her most popular song?". Even before Gawd could finish, I had started singing…

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercede....

By the time I was finishing the first stanza, Gawd pulled the plug off his ears. With hands pointing to his home he said "Ok… Ok… Can you stop now? Can I talk?".

Shaken by his tone, I shut up, and looked at him intently. He continued "Do you think I gave her the Mercedes she wanted?".

By this time I was completetly pissed by Gawd's attitide, I called him to solve my little problem and help me out of the situation. And here he is, cracking stupid jokes and asking me stupid quiz questions, I told myself "I think he is going to disappear after giving me ten points for telling the correct answer for his question… Why the heck did I call him first place".

In an irritated tone I answered him "I think you let her OD and die".

Now it was the turn of the good Lord to get pissed and be on the offensive. "You can't accuse me like that… Every measly mortal like you has this habit of accusing me for anything that happens on earth… I am not responsible for that!!"

Although shaken by his booming voice, I still wasn't stirred. I thought I had Gawd in the corner, in a rat hole now and I should press on…

And at a higher pitch I repeated my statement "You let her OD and die".

The moment I uttered this again, Gawd let out a smile. One of those plastic Aishwarya Rai types and said in a nice, sweet tone…

"I admit my mistake on Janis Joplin… I don't want history to repeat again… Most of all, not with you" he went on…

"I don’t want you to AD and die!! Be happy as you are, Bless you" The moment he finished, even before I could react he vanished in thin air.

I am googling for him ever since, but in vain. To ask him when I would (be) AD and possibly live…

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


As many, I am a big fan of the BCCI (Board of Control for Cricket in India) for its ability to issue amusingly brilliant and quixotic diktats about people playing / representing ICL (Indian Cricket League) organised by the Essel Group.

We already know that BCCI has banned the players, budding, present and former representing ICL from taking part in any BCCI (and ICC) sponsored events. Here are some more diktat ideas for the BCCI to crush ICL to dust.

1. Nobody, TV, Press or Web can cover the ICL. If someone dares to then they wouldn’t be allowed to cover (why cover, even inside the venue) any BCCI sponsored event. They would be banned for life

2. The photographers who took part in the ICL sponsored photoshoot are banned for from shooting any BCCI sponsored event, players or families

3. The brand of the equipments used by the photographers of the ICL shoot is banned for life from sponsoring, supplying and being present in any manner in any BCCI sponsored event

4. Viewers watching ICL matches live on TV sets would be banned for life from watching BCCI sponsored matches on TV (BCCI has the Pawar and authority to seek and destroy those TV sets). Those watching highlights would be banned from watching BCCI sponsored events for 5 years

5. People who go to the stadium to watch the ICL matches would be banned for life from watching, buying tickets or being present in any area that is 5km radius from a stadium where a BCCI sponsored event is being held

6. The supplier of cricket balls for the ICL matches cannot henceforth supply either match or practice balls for any BCCI sponsored event or team. They would be banned for life

7. The cricketing equipment manufacturers whose equipments are used by the ICL contracted players would henceforth be banned for life from supplying equipment for the BCCI sponsored players, academies or events

8. The grass supplier who laid the turf in the stadia used by ICL for their practice or matches is banned for life. They henceforth can't either supply grass, water grass or undertake maintainance work in any of the BCCI sponsored pitches, lawns and meadows

9. The advertising agency which worked on the ICL branding and publicity is henceforth banned for life from doing any work for BCCI or any of its affiliates. It is futher stated that clients handled by this agency or its sister concern cannnot be present in any of the BCCI sponsored events unless they issue a public apology for being with the above said agency and severe all their relations with the agency with immediate effect

10. It is reported that a college in Chennai has allowed ICL to use their facilities for practice, this is unacceptable and unpardonable according to the bylaws of BCCI. Henceforth any student, old or new and staff from that college in Chennai would be banned for life from taking part in any BCCI sponsored event. However relief would be granted for those who severe their connections with the institution by either resigning or tearing their certificates issued by the college. These people can return back to the BCCI fold provided they write "BCCI is a winner. ICL is always a loser" 2,500 times in the paper provided by BCCI for this purpose

While this list can go on, I stop with 10 points and leave the rest to your imagination. I intend to send the list to the officials of BCCI soon and I am sure they would put these recommendations before a select committee of former Indian captains and implement it at the soonest.